Watch Out! Dumb Travelers Are At Large!

An Australian newspaper reported on dumb tourist questions down under and abroad:

A swimmer asked call centre staff to predict how many people would be in their hotel pool on Good Friday.

"Can I catch a train from Fiji to New Zealand?" asked one visitor interested in booking a rail holiday.

"How long does it take from Tokyo to Korea ... by the famous bullet train?"

"Can you tell me which beach is closest to the ocean?"

"Why did they build so many ruined castles and abbeys in England?"

A visitor to Scotland wanted to know what time the Loch Ness monster was fed.

A Philadelphia visitor asked where in the city the Boston Tea Party took place.

Going to The Netherlands? Be sure to visit the tulip factory. At least that's what one visitor wanted to do.

Someone also wanted to know if they would end up in Holland if they drove through New York's Holland Tunnel.

Why do people wear their jeans so low? Finally an explanation!

Watch out for this SCAM

I Just got scammed out of $25!

Bought Tiger Woods' DVD entitled "My Favourite 18 Holes".

Turns out it's about golf.

Damn waste of money.

Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

CATHOLIC COFFEE

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,


Slim,

Tall,

38D breast,

24" waist and

34" hips.


When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

The perfect Christmas Gift for guys

FW: The Greatest Christmas Decoration Ever!!!!

Make sure to read story at bottom… Fantastic. Greg sends along this DIY FYI: "Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

Valuable Information for Men and Women!

Funny, yet well put!!!

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Anonymous

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want? Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.' Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.' Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.' James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.... Nash

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years Then we met. Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' Anonymous

SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!